its cold

its cold the way that nothing can get you warm, how you stand outfront and breathe in all the smog and smoke and dust, and you still cant see the sun. the way that people just look in mirrors not through them. if we are all just reflections of reflections are you the one, or the copy. am i yours or mine? am i worth this bad coffee taste. these are the days that are niehter ending nor slowing and in a way, i miss you and in another way i hate you.

to love. and to be loved

lets not shit ourselves here. these things we thin kthere are not an orginal feeling, in some aspects most of your love will be marketed by hallmark. if i was card i would just read disarming.
the end.

the start of the story

writers block...
the dream of last night is all about a small town.
how small towns can kill you, how even this whole state is a small town. its a fish bowl.

forever and today got lost somewhere amongst yesterday

i need something that is real something to hold on to, i want this to have been more than just another pointless weekend, in a way i now it was not and i know the way your heart starts to slump. and i know she isnt making you happy. and i know alot less than i think i do and a lot more than you. i just dont know anymore

you set me up to leave me.

everthinkitsjustbeentoo long

since ive seen your pretty little face.
since you said i love you and meant it.
since the bed didnt feel cold on one side.
but what do i know about love?

nothing is as true as you

truth you say you want the truth but we all know damn well you cant fucking handle it, these are all the words i never said, cause i got to scared but i sent them to you and you chickend out and had absolutely nothing to say, its hard to say i dont blame you becasue if someone knew what i knew and it was about me id deny it all or say nothing, its hard being all figured out huh?
no more drama. this is the last of it, sereving my ties with all the shit that used to drown us.
its all just gonna be how it is, i dont care if you hate me i dont care what you think, im standing on my own two feet <3

bad smiles and real laughs, vs fake smiles and haha

smiles and wishes on eyelashes. late nights turned ealry mornings.
i flat out tell you, i dont want this,
i dont want you.
yet your relentless like its no big deal.
like the fact that im tottally not interested is nothing to worry about all.
that you want something so badly and youll never get it, but its no big deal sweerheart

im too far down the road i was scared to go.

my breathing has gotten harder the way you used to make me lose my breath,
only now its followed with a fever and dizzy spells, and some nauease. its just like being in love but with more antidotes. i got cough syrups and pills for all this heavy head congestion. but none of it is making my head and my heart feel any better off.

somenights

i am quite possibly going deaf in one ear. it hurts, ah.
fall asleep alone again tonight, i make this bed but i cant fall asleep in it.

heaven was jealous to merely look fair

by this time my heart and my head are aligned,its easy enough to say that its over and walk away like it never happened. to close the door on months. months spent waiting. im tired of waiting. im tired of being your rainy day.. i feel strange like ive lost something, but i couldnt tell you what, i like how close yet far apart we've become. i love your ideas. i wont wait for you.. but ill wait for him. does that make you jealous? or is it just that you like the idea of having me for all your rainy days? please explain the feelings you have these are mine: hes got this smile that gives me butterflies, almost in a bad way. you are the reason sleep rarely comes. i feel worn out and run down. i feel like i am in a cage. but its as if i put my self here to save me from me. its hard to think that this is all just me maybe protecting my heart from you. im rebuilding the walls, and i swear i wont let you get through this time.

paid programming and commericals.

late night blues, everything always has a blue tint this late at night.
or this early in the morning
i wanna be marketed like an infomerical. something you truly think you need for about two to six days and then you just get stored away, maybe i lied i dont want tobe something youll just toss out.
i want to be the thought in the back of your head and that last glimpse in your eyelids before you fall asleep.
sleep to dream.

if only i could find sleep.
jay z is on tv.. and it says its educational.

everything is tied to you its almost always directly but i realize that they say that each person is seven degrees away from every person on this planet, so maybe its all just a matter of seperation with us, you are my seven degrees. ill be the seperate. i wonder if we wait it out long enough and ignore the voicemails we will just dissolve all together, we will be the seperation. it scares me yet at the same time it seems logical and sound. almost the safebet, im betting im not... sleeplessness is hitting an all time high.
i know none of this will make any sense whatsoever come tomorrow. or the next day..

sleepless dreams become me

im tired like homestrech tired, the i know i made it i just cant get there tired.
i cant breath, like ive been breathing in smog all day.
my lungs feel heavy the way you used to make me feel.
stutter out the words and try to make the feel right anybody can be you if i close my eyes hard enough.

just like a bat beneath the moonlight

there are occasionally people that walk into you it life, that from that very second you are hoping that said person never leaves, that they will be stuck with you forever.
this is how it goes with most my friends. its like we built the standard. we built the idea and now your trying to grasp it.
reguardless its all just a matter of affection. we are all a loving group in a very non loving way. and i love my friends.

meaning of the car crash heart

Sunset Reds.
Skyline Eyes.
15 Mph Hands.
Left Lane Ends Merge Right Heart.
Find The Map.

we are a good thing, she is a bad thing..

so it goes.